Sparks of Sorrow.

Sometimes words are just not enough. Even when you pick up the dictionary, you fail to find words that would aptly describe the pain, the happiness, the emotion that you're walking through in life. I'm thinking too much these days. I even fail to keep proper track of what I am really thinking about. My mind races from one thought to the next, skipping and jumping from one issue towards another, like a blue spark making its way across an old copper wire...There are knots and twists in the way...the spark fizzes, protests against the obstruction and then just goes out. Another spark, another channel, another hurdle and another death of yet another thought process...it's just a vicious cycle. Here I am resting my chin on my knee and typing away the most random things that are plaguing my mind. I feel like running off somewhere, a place where I would see nobody, just a few people who I really wanted around me. I want to blank out, start anew. I just don't know what I want to do. Where do I go from here? Do I walk ahead, do I take a step behind...I'm just walking around in intricate circles of fears and obsessions. I want to move ahead, but I mentally walked ten steps back for every one step ahead. The remaining nine steps are either too shaky or too dainty to be counted. Tired and beat, I just collapse where I am and admit defeat as my destiny, my fate. I can hear tiny explosions at the back of my mind, one after another. I think to myself about what I am doing here? Do I even matter? Does my presence count? Does my absence matter? I feel so much that words fail to convey. Scabs peel off, wounds open, cuts gash with blood, I feel like everything's in rewind mode. I'm walking back slowly on the sands of time, each step fitting into an old footprint on the shore. The sun rises, sets, rises yet again...and then the waters swallow the sun into them and I'm left alone in the darkness to cry myself to calm.