There's so much filth,
that it makes me gag,
so many jerks and losers,
so many rotten fags.
The above mentioned stanza aptly describes the "height" of frustration that I'm experiencing at the moment. The electricity's gone. It's 12:05 A.M and I was chatting with a bunch of friends until the light decided to go at the peak of conversation, but it's okay. The past two, three days have been surreal in all regards. My subjects are not as intimidating as yet, alhamdullilah, so I'm coping up just fine i.e academics isn't much of an issue. However, I am experiencing a lot of social ups and downs. I'm glad I befriended a lot of sane people, many of whom are pretty much as judgemental, big mouthed and foul mouthed as I am, myself :P I say this with awe. Trust me, it can be hard to find people who can tolerate your constant rants about this world and its people. On the other hand, I was hit by a faux pas like a cat ran over by a bicycle. The cat survives, but its fur comes off and it becomes all whiny and over-cautious about itself and its surrounding. Just like that. Coming from Saudi Arabia, a place that is viewed as "the" epitome of Islamic fundamentals and society, I never thought talking to the opposite gender was such a big step towards social suicide. I wasn't aware that each and every step of mine was being analyzed, each word was being dissected into letters, then syllables and then atoms, to fish out some scoop or the other to talk about over oily pasta and watery tea from the college canteen. But boy, oh, boy, little did I know. I'm sure if the concerned individuals, whoever they maybe read "boy, oh, boy", they might be thinking that I'm referring to my non-existent boyfriend, who probably calls me every night and sings me songs by Nur Jehan. I tell you, people here are very creative, they just need channels- be it big or small, or even someone's life. I'm at a point where I'm doubting the very purpose of friendship with just anyone. I'm not even sure whether I should talk to anyone except a few selected people. Should I hold a sign around my neck saying "Because so&so thinks this&that happened, I'm going to keep my mouth shut, my head down and keep doing my work?" That would be just too hard for a person like me to do. I'm sick in just a few days of the double-standards and downright bitchiness of people [regardless of gender]. It gets into me, like the smell of spoilt milk. It's that irritating. I don't want to waste my blog space over such rotten and deprived individuals in life. What they seek is attention, so why should I give it to them? They can rot in their fury, jealousy or whatever web of crap they are spinning up for others. I'm going to do my thing and do whatever I feel like doing without feeling apologetic about it. I'm answerable to none, only to Allah, Who knows what I am really upto. Gah, I'm glad it's a weekend..I really need time to unwind especially after doses of drama and so much work.
that it makes me gag,
so many jerks and losers,
so many rotten fags.
The above mentioned stanza aptly describes the "height" of frustration that I'm experiencing at the moment. The electricity's gone. It's 12:05 A.M and I was chatting with a bunch of friends until the light decided to go at the peak of conversation, but it's okay. The past two, three days have been surreal in all regards. My subjects are not as intimidating as yet, alhamdullilah, so I'm coping up just fine i.e academics isn't much of an issue. However, I am experiencing a lot of social ups and downs. I'm glad I befriended a lot of sane people, many of whom are pretty much as judgemental, big mouthed and foul mouthed as I am, myself :P I say this with awe. Trust me, it can be hard to find people who can tolerate your constant rants about this world and its people. On the other hand, I was hit by a faux pas like a cat ran over by a bicycle. The cat survives, but its fur comes off and it becomes all whiny and over-cautious about itself and its surrounding. Just like that. Coming from Saudi Arabia, a place that is viewed as "the" epitome of Islamic fundamentals and society, I never thought talking to the opposite gender was such a big step towards social suicide. I wasn't aware that each and every step of mine was being analyzed, each word was being dissected into letters, then syllables and then atoms, to fish out some scoop or the other to talk about over oily pasta and watery tea from the college canteen. But boy, oh, boy, little did I know. I'm sure if the concerned individuals, whoever they maybe read "boy, oh, boy", they might be thinking that I'm referring to my non-existent boyfriend, who probably calls me every night and sings me songs by Nur Jehan. I tell you, people here are very creative, they just need channels- be it big or small, or even someone's life. I'm at a point where I'm doubting the very purpose of friendship with just anyone. I'm not even sure whether I should talk to anyone except a few selected people. Should I hold a sign around my neck saying "Because so&so thinks this&that happened, I'm going to keep my mouth shut, my head down and keep doing my work?" That would be just too hard for a person like me to do. I'm sick in just a few days of the double-standards and downright bitchiness of people [regardless of gender]. It gets into me, like the smell of spoilt milk. It's that irritating. I don't want to waste my blog space over such rotten and deprived individuals in life. What they seek is attention, so why should I give it to them? They can rot in their fury, jealousy or whatever web of crap they are spinning up for others. I'm going to do my thing and do whatever I feel like doing without feeling apologetic about it. I'm answerable to none, only to Allah, Who knows what I am really upto. Gah, I'm glad it's a weekend..I really need time to unwind especially after doses of drama and so much work.
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