Just a Moment. [*]

It just takes a moment,
to turn from candle to flame,
to burn yourself to dust,
just to eradicate the blame.

The drops of broken wax,
the melting souls with it,
leaving behind no tracks,
letting things go bit by bit.

From flickering flames,
to dirty, burnt ashes,
amidst broken promises,
amidst guilt-laden flashes.

An odyssey that never ends,
an epic betraying all trends,
even waters from the seas,
or the dew from the trees,
the tears from the eyes,
or the deepest painful cries,
I watch them fail one by one,
beaten, conquered, defeated,
finished, dead, depleted.

I Met You Here.

I met you here,
under the skies so clear,
when the rains fell,
and I could tell,
if you were around,
just by listening to sounds,
of your shoes thudding on mud,
the marshy grounds,
the swampy lakes,
the tales of fairies,
and other such fakes,
when they seemed so true,
as they dropped from your lips,
how butterflies seemed to,
never leave your fingertips,
when the times would freeze,
in the cold, warm breeze,
when satin ribbons would flutter,
like colorful birds' wings,
when every little twig,
just seemed to sing,
as the sun would set,
as the skies would darken,
your eyes would shine,
they'd light and sparkle,
I'd feel their glow,
on my cheeks,
how they'd keep me,
from falling weak...

*

And now I stare,
at the same wooden seat,
where we'd sit,
rejoice and meet,
everything's unchanged,
the sun's still setting,
the birds still chirping,
the ribbons still fluttering,
the golden eyes,
the fairy tales,
the talks of tunes,
the whispers of the gale,
old friends that I long,
to sing the same old song,
that chimed through branches,
pulled me from the trenches,
out into the sunshine,
to feel the the sun on my skin,
to cleanse me from within,
I long, I yearn, I crave,
to carefully save,
the so tangible flavors,
of love, hate, anguish,
just before they extinguish,
into the quagmire of wilderness...

For Every Tear.

In every tear of my eye,
deep tales in them lie,
of beautiful scars,
of whimsical lashes,
of burnt sunflowers,
of roses and ashes,
for every tear of my eye,
just never seems to dry,
like satin ribbons in breeze,
they flow, they dance, they fly.

Flicker [*]

A small flicker,
burning blues,
the hopeful hue,
my eyes locked,
watching, waiting,
for you to light up,
bring some hope,
some flavor,
just a hint of news,
that cold, cold blue,
that old hopeless hue,
just how I stare,
eyes fixed in gaze,
waiting and watching,
tossing and turning,
from under pillows,
from locked drawers,
still, deep inside,
I'm waiting,
still waiting,
though I hate,
there's no escape,
for the hopeful hue,
the ominous blue,
keeps me watching,
keeps me waiting.

*

The rain fell,
still I waited,
amidst blizzards,
still I stood,
under blazing suns,
I laid myself out,
on the burning sands,
still I stared,
out into the distance,
across the hazy horizons,
over the burnt meadows,
the milky skies,
the charcoal moons,
further and further,
till my eyes blinded,
by those things,
commonly called tears,
just were about to give in,
when a voice came from within,
asking me, begging me,
to stand my ground.

Rascal Flatts: A Discovery.

Discovery. That's what it feels like.


After listening to these songs, I actually felt like they were so close to the heart. Like for real. Don't know why I wrote this entry, but I really felt like. Just felt like sharing my favorite parts from each song.

I'm Moving On

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

What Hurts the Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

These days.

Yeah, life throws you CURVES,
But you learn to swerve,
Me, I swung and I missed,
And the next thing ya know, I'm reminiscing...
Dreaming old dreams, wishing old wishes,
Like you would be back again.


God Bless the Broken Road.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

[Chorus:]

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

[Chorus]

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

Okay, the ENTIRE song! :)


Stand.

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Every time you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place

My Broken Strings.

The golden threads,
the words unsaid,
the longing sighs,
the lows and highs,
the strong tugs,
the dainty shoves,
the lucky ravens,
the ominous doves,
as your fingers,
gently tug,
my life along,
slowly chugs,
like a lost train,
on a broken track,
I struggle to get,
everything back,
but it's hard to see,
it's hard to flee,
from the broken dreams,
and the bloody screams,
of the past that was,
of the broken glass,
that pierces me,
daily so deeply.

*

Let us hide,
under these bright moons,
those shadows that bloom,
amidst the linens of gloom.
Throw those blades of grass,
so sleek, so sharp,
like the strings of harps,
let us lose ourselves,
to this green,
to this black,
of the ground,
of the sky,
of all that's chaining us,
forbidding us to fly.

Three Thousand Nights.

Three thousand nights,
with the days in between,
the sunsets, the sun rise,
the waves of pain,
the relentless tides,
of time, of longing,
of the loss of sense,
of the loss of belonging.

It's Just Day One. [*]

With a heavy heart,
with a reluctant sigh,
I just have to do this,
although I immensely miss,
I remind myself,
it's just day one.

Pretending isn't easy,
but that's what's left,
to show that it's okay,
that I've sent you away,
but only I know how it is,
falling into an abyss,
and although I immensely miss,
I remind myself,
it's just day one.

*

I love watching you,
walk away from me,
quickly at first,
as if to test.
if I'd stop you,
if I'd call out,
in your mind,
there lingers a doubt.
As usual, you don't show,
but somehow I know,
you too are waiting,
as we are separating,
for me to call out,
funny how I want,
you to do the same,
turn back and glance,
call out my name,
but we both know too,
both me and you,
don't mind waiting.

*

You have no idea,
you have no clue,
what you do to me,
is so oblivious to you.
To you, a smile is just a smile,
to me, it differentiates,
between an inch and mile.
The more you like to hide,
the more I tend to seek,
little do you know,
you make me so weak.

Very Small Wonders.

The weather's so amazing. Rain, thunder, strong cool winds, and more rain. The only ugly thing's the test I have tomorrow. I woke up at 12 today after such a long, long time. It felt very weird. Well, I had slept at 4 AM, so that explained the late start of the day. After wasting a lot of time, I finally forced myself to review anatomy. I guess God rewarded me with the awesome weather later. It started off with just a very gloomy sky, lots of clouds and then I heard my mom complain about how the laundry would all go wet under the rain. At first I just watched the drops cautiously from my window. Then I decided to open the door to the verandah, just to stand there and listen to the rain slap against the tiled floor. Then I decided to pull of the laundry off my balcony, just the excuse I needed to get out. I ran out, yanked the bed linens, the freshly hung clothes off the line, taking my own sweet time. I was in no hurry to get back in. But eventually I had to. But seriously, what an experience it was. I just wanted to stand in the middle of the rain, let it do its work. Wash off every bit of stupidity and frustrations off me. I wanted to experience getting wet to the very core of my being. I wanted to do the bhangra on my terrace. lol. This kind of weather NEVER made me want to study. I felt like calling up a friend, or no, I felt like eating chocolate cake. I didn't know what I really wanted to do, but I was just so overwhelmed by the sudden rain. I thanked the Lord that I wasn't expecting any guests today. Yesterday was crazy, but still fun. My second grader and sixth grader cousins came over to visit their Sidra apa. What an evening it was. They wanted to play "beauty salon" and "doctor, doctor" with me. First they used my limited make up stock to make me look like a "I don't know what". Minahil thought that by drawing three dots at the ends of my eyes, I'd look very "pyaari". According to Amina, I should leave my hair loose in the icky summer heat because I looked better that way. Then they both fought over who'd put lipgloss on me. So finally I had to intervene to sort the feud amicably. Amina would put it on my upper lip and Minahil would do my lower lip. Then after this "cake-up" session was over, Minahil spotted my mom's stethoscope and declared that she wanted to play "doctor". I was made the sick patient, while Amina and Minahil diagnosed me with a disease that nobody had the cure to except them. I was ordered to drink milk three times a day with panadol and 5 strepsils after every meal. lol. As we were busy playing doctor, Rida my 3 year old cousin and also Amina's little sister started crying because we weren't letting her fool around with the stethoscope. I was always very bad with calming kids down. I tried to pacify her, but then just gave up. She continued whining and out of utmost frustration I told her that my anatomy instructors in college were looking for crybabies to inject them with this new drug, which tickled them so much that they kept laughing for no reason. Thank God, she believed me. lol. I felt evil, but anything to get a kid from crying. Anyways, I'm just going to shut up. I have nothing more to add, plus it's getting late and I have a test tomorrow and I'm a little nervous. Insh'Allah, it should go well.=)

Trapped in a Raindrop [*]

Trapped in a rain drop,
the solitude of transparency,
staring out into the sky,
waiting for the clouds,
to let me free to fall,
to let me break into pieces,
so many that I wouldn't recall.
Pushing against my walls,
feeling them push back at me,
as I suspend from the clouds,
clouds of pain, of agony.
I hear the thunder rumble,
brace myself to crumble,
into the pavement below,
to meet my eternal destiny,
to put an end to this misery.

Life Takes [*]

Life takes,
forgets to give back,
like a greedy child,
bags all the good candy,
from a broken pinata,
it leaves me behind,
to count the colorful wrappers,
burgundy, amber, magenta,
caramel, toffee, hazelnut,
little fingers scraping off,
the remnants of candy,
trying, struggling so hard,
to remind life, not to forget,
to give me my part,
my share of good,
I try to remind life,
of what it should,
with melting remains,
of those candy store treats,
melt my childish dreams,
amidst lollies and ice creams.

A Thousand Suns. [*]

The thousand suns of my eyes,
the countless smiles on my lips,
I watch them drown,
in front of my face,
silently, calmly,
each dying out with grace.
With outstretched arms,
not to embrace,
just to give away,
more and more of myself,
to these winds I call life,
to these battles I call life,
to these little wounds I call life,
take more and more away from me,
even the remnants are too much,
this life has left me such,
the gusts of storms menace me,
to run away into the realms,
little do they know,
I just follow the lines on my palms.

Those Dreams in My Dupatta.

On the silken edge,
a very tight knot,
holds my dreams,
or at least it tries.
Intricate stitches,
like the lines on my hands,
stand guard to them,
before they betray me,
sneak out of the knot,
while I sleep in my cot.
Firmly gripping the fabric,
in a tightly clenched fist,
I try to calm myself,
at least my dreams still exist.
Safe from the lashes,
from the whips, from the stones,
within the tight knot of my dupatta,
they have safely grown..
The wildest of winds,
the torrential monsoons,
the sun's blazing rays,
not even the fiery moons,
could waver my dreams away,
in spite of the undulating cloth,
even after eons,
when I pass on my dupatta,
half eaten and teethered,
by time and by moths,
the delicate shoulders,
that would now bear the weight,
of my dreams, so forlorn,
so loyally tied within the knot,
even today, as tiny hands tug,
pulling it, yanking it,
off my shoulders onto my feet,
those tiny shards of hope,
don't let me embrace defeat.
Like a burning scar on my skin,
it reminds me of my sins.
My mistakes, my errors,
my fears and my terrors,
surprisingly this brings calm,
a quiet front after a storm..
I slap it back over my shoulder,
the knot, I know is still there,
as it slaps against my thigh,
from within me comes a sigh,
for my dreams assure me,
that'll never betray me,
never will they die.

"Lost Aroma!"

The same steaming mug of coffee,
with whirls of steam dancing,
the aroma mixing into the air,
the froth crowning it on top.
With my gaze, I try my best,
but it's so hard to separate,
you from the swirls of steam,
dissipating into nothing,
but leaving me behind to wait.
Tracing the brim with my finger,
one circle after another,
and just the swirls of steam,
rising and disappearing before me.
Next to the window where the cup rests,
I lift my heavy gaze now and then,
waiting for you to come, wondering when,
tracing the swirls tires me,
following them with my eyes,
deeply breathing them in,
realizing just how long it's been.
Just as the mist collects on glass,
a silhouette appears, it's you alas!
As I run to the door,
I just tend to ignore,
the cup resting on the edge,
which now lay on the floor,
broken, like a forlorn pledge.
With a broken spirit, I just stare,
the coffee flowing at my feet,
the swirls are long gone,
lost like a sudden heart beat,
just the coffee, flowing slowly.








Ps: A special thank you to Sami Bhai for suggesting the title! :)

*

When the pain got too much,
I just closed my eyes,
let it, just let it,
scoop my insides out,
dance around in my blood,
as much as it could.
When I lifted my lashes,
the pain stared at me,
a glow piercing my eyes,
challenging me yet again,
tying me with invisible chains.