Those Chips in Me.

As I am sitting here on a Saturday morning, munching on Chips Ohoy early in the morning, I am smiling to myself for a reason so unknown. Maybe sometimes you smile because you don't know what else to do about what you're being subjected to. Crying seems to be to cliche. Plus why overburden your lacrimal glands when you know that your tears won't even dampen the cause of the problem to the least bit. So we started off with the cardiovascular system in college. The physiology part is so freaking extensive, but insh'Allah, I plan to ace this module. It's funny that I'm studying the human heart, something that nobody has fully understood to-date. They say the heart has four chambers, I beg to differ. It has a chamber within a chamber, each chamber with several twists and turns, a maze within a maze, and so many diversions. If the heart were such a simple thing, more than half of this world's problems would cease to exist. But then again, this is just what I think. I have been thinking a lot these days. Funny how sometimes you take "mental vacations" to such demented areas of life that you feel so very detached from your past, presence and future. Like the chocolate chips sprinkled across dough in making chocolate chip cookies, you feel like your pieces are dispersed across the seven seas, each fragment resting on embers in a different land. *snap, snap, snap* Sidra, get yourself back. You're drifting off a little too much these days. Get a grip on yourself, what are you doing to yourself? Why are you letting it affect you? Haha, these are things that I have to keep telling myself. See, I told you, growing up wasn't just a physical process- it wasn't limited to the obliteration of your epiphyseal growth plate in your bones or the onset of hormone secretion. There was a lot to it. Coming from Saudi to now Pakistan, I feel like I have just come out of an egg shell with one of my legs still very much caught in the gooey yolk and the pieces of the broken shell clinging to my hair. Maybe I'm going through a 'culture shock' or maybe I'm just being irrational by choice or maybe I'm just expecting too much light out of fireflies. I am doing things that I used to run away from. I am feeling something that I thought was just so low and cheap and "so-not-Sidra Chaudhry-type". From a super-focused-Paki woman, I'm turning into just another girl, who goes weak in the knees at the sight of a shooting star, who wants to wear the stars as a tiara, who goes goo-goo eyed at the mere thought of honey, flowers and butterflies. What's happening to me? Lol. Gah, so random. According to a friend, I've become bipolar. But who isn't bipolar? :P Everyone fluctuates through highs and lows, but maybe my frequency's a little fishy. Sighs. I'm being flipped like a paratha on a hot skillet.


Is this what you call pain?
If yes, then I want to ask you,
why it chose just me?
Did it fail to see you?
Or did you divert it to me?
The twinkle in your eyes,
sparkles at my cries.
The smile on your lips,
my dainty wings it clips.
But just to make you happy,
I'm ready to befriend misery.