Crumbling.

Once upon a time there lived a girl who thought she could conquer the whole world and sleep peacefully at night after making each and every person smile on the face of this earth. She thought she was some bigshot healer, the ultimate source of pride for her parents, an inspiration for her friends and peers, a big teachers' pet, a girl with an iconic academic and social status back in her high school and then one day she fell. She fell so badly that even she didn't know what was up with her. She just knew that she was whizzing through the air, hurtling and back-flipping into an abysmal pit of time and space. Now she just stared at herself in the mirror and heard tiny cracks in the back of her mind as she stared back at an individual so foreign to her. She tried to come up with excuses and justifications for her change, but she found none. People told her that she was just growing up, but she knew better. She was falling into a trap, a laid out conspiracy. She was jinxed. She had been caught by the evil eye. She had so many questions in her mind, but with no answers. She cried, but she never knew the reason behind her tears. The girl, who once thought that her connection with God was so strong that she'd be able to whiz through thick and thin without a single obstacle, was now crumbling into pieces. One, two, three, four, five...million, billion, trillion...gazillion..She lost count gradually. At that point, she felt like a big joke. A big retard, who was a source of pure entertainment to those around her. She wanted to close her eyes and open them just to see that everything and everyone was normal. She often asked God and then herself about what was wrong. But she could never put a finger to her problem. She'd try talking it off with her friends, but then she'd feel like the epicenter of a disaster. She just wanted to break away. The same girl who wanted to befriend everyone, who wanted to connect to people at a special level beyond normal myopic human scope, suddenly wanted to build very high walls around herself. She often sat down to think what was the reason that she was disintegrating so badly? Was it a person? An event? A feeling? An experience? What was it exactly? To her it seemed to be everything and yet nothing. She tried asking God. But God wanted her to find out on her own, I guess. As she made her way through the gooey gel of time, she tried to keep herself from stumbling, from falling and breaking into infinitesimal pieces in front of an audience. She missed herself immensely. Her inconquerable soul, her unerasable smile, her naive self. She wanted to run, but she didn't know where to. So she decided to pack her broken self up in a bandage of self-pity and pretend to be very strong and so very brave and prayed with all might that may God help her maintain her modesty in the strong winds of change that she was being harassed by. As she types, she still prays, hopes and wishes that if only she could...