涙〔裂け目〕[*]

I have often wondered what tears taste like; pinches of salt tossed into droplets of water, sour like those grapes that the fox could never reach, sweet like cheap cola lollies that were pungently sour at the core or bitter like tasting your hands after grinding leaves with them. It just never made sense to me. Fat, warm droplets streaming across your cheeks, settling at your lips, or getting lost in the creases of the fabric below. Some even managing to run down your neck, figuratively slitting it down the middle, making you gulp more and more until you realize that no matter how much you gulp, you can never fill in the vacuum within you. During joy or depression, how those little sneaky tears never seemed to get enough of your company and kept coming back like a bunch of unexpected relatives. How, no matter what we do, we seem to welcome them with open arms.



* 涙〔裂け目- Japanese for tears.

Escapades.

I want to bang my head against familiar walls,
for this darkness has bore into the crevices of my mind,
sucked me dry and worthless,
left me alone and so far behind.

I want to walk down familiar lanes,
for my feet have betrayed me in all directions,
abandoned me to lament over losses,
bundled in chaos and misconceptions.

I want to cut myself with familiar blades,
for my blood has frozen in this cold,
taken the life out of me,
tossed me about barren and old.

I want to cry over familiar pains,
for my sadness and gloom laugh at me,
strip my peace, cut me open every time,
drown me in a tear-filled sea.

I want to run to familiar faces,
for every face mocks and jeers,
burns me deep inside,
aggrevates my deepest fears.

I want to hear familiar sounds,
for every sound hurts like noise,
all my dreams have been shattered,
one by one like the cheapest toys.

I want to lean against familiar walls,
for every wall is just another illusion,
every push and shove is part of destiny,
there's an endless isolation.

It Rained Pain Today.

It rained pain on me today,
It soaked me wet,
It made me want to drown,
It filled me with regret.

It rained flames on me today,
It burnt me dry,
It made me want to burn,
It just made me want to die.

It rained blood on me today,
It colored me a total crimson,
It made me want to run away,
It weighed upon me more than a ton.

When the rains all ceased,
I stopped to gather my pieces,
One here, another there,
Nothing looked at ease.

There was a torrent of sorrow,
then a lightening of grief,
Right now I'd do anything,
to cut my life really brief.

Every step of mine,
was too stalled,
I felt so worthless,
so useless, so small.

The sun burnt my eyes,
The rains soaked my soul,
I was all alone,
There was nobody to call.

In the midst of the storm,
I stood like a burnt match,
looking at the ruthless sky,
for a single star to catch.

It was too dark,
I couldn't see a thing,
There were thorns,
and flowers that'd sting.

Rocks tore my flesh,
Pebbles pelted my eyes,
Thorns poked my soul,
I was now deaf to my own cries.

So it rained pain today,
and it purged me inside-out,
and now I'm left to melt,
in the fire of doubt.