Music-Come-Memories. =)

Every song has a memory. It does, seriously.

Aey Paapi [Kismat Konnection]:
Dammam: UNCERTAINTY! Potent amounts. When I'd just torture the couch in my lounge with my weight the whole freaking day, just watching Koffee with Karan! Lol. That was the only thing that kept me occupied. I don't want to go through the same time again! The drama, the nonsense, the stress was so bad! But alhamdullilah, whizzed through and survived! :)

Haule Haule [RNBDJ]:
Lahore: I first heard this song in a salon whilst getting a haircut. They kept playing it over and over again and I just loved it. I was busy wondering which movie this song belonged to as the hairdresser almost burned my ears with the blow dryer. This was the time when I was pampering myself after getting into Shifa. I was so relieved. Love that time, although I was VERY nervous about college and meeting new people, but still. Sighs.

Jaane Kyun [Dostana]:
Lahore: I would listen to this song again and again! This brings back memories of the times when I went to Anarkali to shop for my medical school supplies- lab coats, books, eosin and hematoxylin pencils and what-not. My mom was so proud of me when I first tried the lab coat on. I can't forget the look on her face. =)

Will add on later.

Before I Die.[*]

I want to see the sea,
to ride the waves,
hold the warm sands,
in my barren hands,
to wave a final goodbye,
just before I die.

Days tick by one by one,
away from time I fail to run,
needles chase me from each side,
and as guilt with me collides,
it kills me so much, I won't deny,
just before I die.

If wishes were embers,
each as a scar, I'd remember,
each was granted I'd pretend,
until my time to transcend,
I'd so blantantly lie,
just before I die.

Leftovers of my broken dreams,
from such a distance they seem,
like scattered pearls of fate,
and just before it's too late,
I'd toss them up in the dark sky,
just before I die.

Losing is not a curse,
gaining to lose is worse,
as I stare into the horizon,
I slowly wilt and wizen,
to collect my fragments, I try,
just before I die.

F.A.D.E

I listened to Backstreet Boys after ages today. Songs like "Show me the meaning" and "Everybody" brought back so many memories of the days when we kids were just getting acquainted with the "gorafied" side of music. We were leaving behind songs such as "Dil Dil Pakistan", "Jazba Junoon" far behind to explore other realms :P Ah, Iqraa, Faiza, Basit, Haseeb and yours truly, what a time it was! Walking backwards down the memory lane is a very frequent activity of mine. I'm always taking mental vacations back to the times when big things seemed so small and small things seemed too big to handle. But alhamdullilah, it's all good. I have no regrets, that in itself is a major blessing. I seriously miss the times when I had the time to sit down and reflect thoroughly. Now it's just as if I have to force myself to stop and my reflective abilities come up in "spurt and squirt" format. It's funny and very annoying at the same time. I just felt like ranting today, hence the blog entry.

Today's June 11. Exactly a year ago, I was bidding farewell to my school, embracing Mrs. Sindhu and Dr. Riad, consoling them that I'd keep in touch. The day my dad cried because his daughter was leaving one phase of life to enter the next. The day I had felt that I was leaving behind a heavy dose of tranquilizers to face life with all its rough edges and hues. Part of me longed to stay, while another wanted to breakaway and break the decade of monotony and "sameness". I was in a potpourri of doubt and emotion. Looking back, I often want to laugh at myself. Actually, I don't know what I want to do about myself. Sometimes, I feel that I fused myself out and that I'd eventually get whatever was destined for me anyways even if I hadn't burned my calories, flexed my neurons and sacrifised my physical and emotional immunity over things. But I guess it becomes very easy to say this once you have everything resting on the palm of your hand. Such philosophies miserably fail when you stand empty-handed in a line waiting to fed by the barren outcomes of your dreams...

June 11, 2009.
What a day?
a) Weird people in hospital premises! :P Right Sehr and Sahla? "Tropicana"
b) Glasses!
c) Dupatta fiascoes!
d) Bakris.
e) Punjabi lessons.
f) The heat.
g) Skipping lunch.

yada yada yada.


PS: FADE: For A Day so Exceptional. =]

Scattered, yet so together.

Nido Javed:
sidraaaaaaaaaaaaa ♥
are you leaving todayyyyy? have a niceee and safe flight.. awww, sidra baby is gonna start college sooon.. you are all grown up

:D haha.. Good luckkkk *hugsss*
miss you loads ♥
November 17, 2008 at 8:44pm

Sidra Chaudhry:
NIDAAAAA. i went to your ghar yesterday. =]]]]
it was soooo nice. i kinda felt like crying. my ugly picture from 9th grade is still up on your kitchen wall, i talked to aunty bubbly, aunty yasmin, aunty tasneem, met hassan, and everyone. it was just so overwhelming and yesss, i conveyed ALL your messages and your kajals as well. =]

i love you BOHOT zyada. ♥
November 6, 2008 at 3:27am

""yayyyy. you're coming. :D i have just one ticket to spare, but i'm sure some of my friends will have a few extras. =) i'm such an emotional wreck these days. *sighs* i'm experiencing soooo many deja vus, pangs of nostalgia, reminiscence attacks, guilt trips, hypersensitivity crisis... so on and so forth. you get the picture, yeah? lol. only 83 days left to graduation. =] [... it's a mixed feeling. i want to leave, but i also don't want to leave sooo many things behind. tomorrow's the nhs/njhs induction ceremony. we are all busy preparing for, taping up the cheap blue/yellow silk, the ancient logos that have been used since 1734, stupid pledges that nobody bothers understanding, the zombie music and the death march. lol. nothing has changed. today while i was cutting out nhs gate passes, i suddenly remembered the time when you were inducted in the NHS and I was inducted into the NJHS. the first ever official chapter of the NHS/NJHS. =) for some reason it felt EXACTLY the same. the same jokes, the same running around.. the only thing missing was a few familiar faces. *siiiiighs* gosh, how time flies no? i'll be attending the last induction ceremony tomorrow, then it's ma'salama [not to the society, the ceremony:P]... i visited mrs. sayed, mrs. james and mrs. olivera today after such a looooong time. they haven't changed at all. they are all the same. it reminded me of the times when i used to be in that psycho building C. *sniffles* omG luqman. i'm such a mess right now. =\ i reaalllyyyyyyy hope your net starts working AND i get to talk to najwa. you two people are awesome buddies when it comes to reminiscencing about the good old days..
good luck with everything.
may the force be with you, as mr. read says. lol."


Name: Sidra Chaudhry
Age: 18 yrs old with a mind of an 80 yr old.
Signs and Symptoms:
a) doesn't feel like studying
b) feels sick at the sight of books/study materials
c) gets nauseous when told to work
d) experiences sudden chills when reminded about college search
e) wants to doze off in class
f) wants to burn everything down.
g) dreams of waking up one day with a undergraduate and postgraduate degree under her pillow *halo*
h) faints at the mention of TWO science fair projects.
i) forgets to do her homework frequently
j) stashes her notes into places she doesn't remember later
k) wants the whole class to vanish when she snaps her fingers
l) desires to step over all the sissy juniors/sophomores/freshmen in hallways.
m) eats like there's no tomorrow to suppress the above mentioned painful symptoms.

Diagnosis: SENIORITIS.

forget pakistan. i have bigger tensions looming around my head. *siiiiighs*
97 days left to graduation! i seriously, CAN'T WAIT. =\

March 2, 2008 at 5:13pm

Walking Down the Lane, Again. [June 8, 2008]

It's just been a year,
but it seems so queer,
that things are so far,
that were once so near.

Those walks down aisles,
those tears, those smiles,
final words, parting of ways,
leaving behind the olden days.

With glowing faces,
with watery eyes,
those lop-sided smiles,
just waiting to cry.

A maroon gown,
an NHS stoll,
so many memories,
I'm left to recall.

Walking backwards,
down the lane,
experiencing it all,
all over again.

A tossed cap,
a fluttering tassle,
when what to wear to grad,
was the biggest hassle.

The faces run through my mind,
shining, radiating with light,
each one a deep memory,
holding onto me so tight.

Another eight, another June,
same old winds, but different monsoons,
flying like old parchments,
shards of memories line pavements.

And as I walk with my head high,
onto my face each memory collides,
the radiant past burns my insides,
for my heart longs to cry,
on the same set of shoulders,
it yearns for the days so older.

The same song plays in my ears,
it glides with every sliding tear,
"breakaway" it whispers to me,
it fills me with warmth, with glee.

I open old boxes so full,
pouring out my treasures,
deeper into emo seas they pull,
depths that nobody can ever measure.

A shirt, a note, a card,
a wilting rose, a flower so dead,
everything dances around in my head,
piercing like old shards,
wounding me with such grace,
things I could just never replace.

with every rustle of the wind,
through my tangled, messy hair,
there comes a new glow,
that grows when shared.

As I sit here after a year,
with blank eyes, so devoid of tears,
a smile creeps onto my lips,
as the keys drum under my fingertips,
I'm looking at old snaps,
of those blood-red gowns and flying caps,
I'm recalling the times when,
the seventy of us marched out,
holding very high our heads and chins.

This is just to tell each one of you,
that no matter what each of us do,
a part of us always is and always will,
will be so empty, only to be filled,
by those days we spent together,
by those laughters and smiles,
by those tears and those frowns,
by those fiery ups and downs,
whenever we look over our backs,
we'll see the same old tracks,
calling out to us, to come back.


This is for the class of 2008.

Happy Graduation Anniversary! :)

Walking Backwards.

"my graduation's inshallah on june 8. it's going to be really nice. inshallah. you know what? each person can invite up to 5 guests. i always wanted nana abu and nani ami to attend. and ami even talked to nana abu about it before he died. *sighs* time and tide wait for none. this year has been one of the very critical years of my 18 years of life. i'm sure there are many more to come.. i'm just trying to deal with things, one thing at a time. i try to busy myself to avoid all negative thoughts. i sometimes miss the old me.. when i was more responsible, more open, more sensible.. now, i have turned into a couch potato looking for trouble. i can't wait to graduate! i want to come to pakistan and do whatever possible to relieve this stress in me. i want to start with life afresh. i want to get out of the same monotonous life that i have lived in the last 10 years in the same school. i will miss school, but i will always cherish it in my heart too. ..... i know life's full of crap, difficult people, unfair decisions, unexpected turns, horrible twists, but life's life. we can't just swing it away and live like complete robots."

[May 8, 2008]

Oh yeah, yesterday I craved Abu Nawas so much, I think because I was watching too much of NAWAZ sharif :P I watched so much of geo news yesterday, I missed the times when dad and I used camp in the lounge in front of our mahaan TV. The judges got restored, *ballay ballay, harripa*.. But anyways, some issue or the other always surfaces. You know because of the long march, they jammed all the cellular networks. It was funny, reminded me of "espionage acts" we studied in American History. I couldn't sms a single friend. When you get here, get yourself ufone, it's better than warid, warid sucks. I dont want to change my number, that's why I'm still sticking to it. Anyways, I'm going to go now.

Byebye fattums.
pakoray and samosay from pakistan.

[March 16, 2009]

sidraaaaaaaaaaaaaa
*i miss uuuuuuuuuuu
*me in saudi
Najwa
[June 6, 2009]


"it's terrible sitting here and listening to different people telling me different things about pakistan. someone told me it's really nice, you start enjoying..someone else told me to be careful while choosing friends. oh ooona, i was sitting and thinking about my future. lol. i don't know which college i'm going into and what kind of people i will meet there.. for 10 years i have been used to seeing you guys and i didn't have to bother myself with reaching up to new people and befriending them and i will have to start doing that this year. sucks major. =[ but i'm trying to be positive. it would be so nice if you and i would study in islamabad, we will keep in touch and share our dukh bhari kahaniyan with each other."

[July 2, 2008]


ooona, i just watched hibah's bday video and i miss you so much now. =[
i miss school. i miss english. i miss calculus. i miss recess. i miss everything. =[

[July 29, 2008]

ana queesa. ana ma hibak al facebook chath katheer! [because it's so gay for some reason =P] ana miss kulu bachis katheerrrrrr! ♥ ana fee roh saudi soon. ana 'b'lanning [planning] to visit madrasa. i will miss you guys SO much when i go to saudiiii. seriously. =[ koi hoga hee nahi wahan. everything in school will have a memory attached to it. =\

ps- forgive my broken arabic. paki has been made me VERY paki. lol. i need to review mrs. madani's notes. haha, i still have them by the way. =P AND i love the pic you put up pf us. :) brought back a lot of memories. full-fledged yaado'n ki baraat material. =P lol.

take care!
ma'salama!

[October 14, 2008]

hibah darrrrrling, stuff's good, alhamdullilah.
just a nasty pang of depression due to lack of mental stimulation and exersion =P but nothing that a lil bit of company can't fix. =] i'm going to lahore on the 23rd insh'Allah, really excited, yet a lil apprehensive about things like "college". sighs. you need to tell me how london's treating my hibah. okay? take care haan. =]

[July 9, 2008]


"Habibity.... your message made me very happy and I really wonder how you still remember my birthday!!! It is very sweet of you.Sidra... take care of yourself, study well (I'm sure you do), and keep in touch. It is very pleasant to me to know about you.

May God bless you my sweet heart!

I love you sooooo much...

Dr. Riad "

[January 25, 2009]

"Hi Sidra,

Very happy to hear from u. Here all's fine and we are ready for another year. Everything remains same for us but we do miss some precious students like u."

[Aug 28, 2008]

June5:June6:June7

June 5: My last exams as a high schooler. Human Biology & Political Science.
Desi BBQ.

June 6: My first graduation practice, when almost everyone forgot to bring their IDs for entrance into Dhahran.

June 7: My second graduation practice, when we treated ourselves at Joffrey's.

It's been a year. Just memories. Scribbled down on walls. Jotted down in diaries. Signed onto yearbooks.

That's it. That's all.