Hello? Counselor's Office.

So my trip to school today was very unique. Little did I know that I'd be made to substitute the counselor's secretary today. They didn't give me a very heavy job, I simply had to answer phone calls, note down messages, delivers memos and yeah, type out lists. It was interesting! It kinda made me realize how hard it is to handle such tasks, which we always took as granted. I never thought answering phone calls was my thing, but I managed pretty well. *gives herself a pat on the back* I was constantly shuffling between the High School office and the counselor's office to do their work and man, it was so much better than sitting at home and fretting over how college life in Pakistan's going to be like. Seriously, I'm stuck in a maze. I'm very excited about starting off with college and I have made a good amount of acquaintances as well, but there's still this "anxiety aspect" involved as well. I'm sure it's pretty natural, since I will be leaving Saudi after 18 years and settling into a totally new place, but still it's a little uncomfy. sighs. Insh'Allah, I hope things turn out well. Anyways, so I wanted to eat spring rolls from the canteen today, but sadly, I didn't get time off at all until I declared a "lunch break" for myself around the last period. But by then the canteen had been stripped clean off all the "good stuff" and I was left to suffice over a chicken burger. Sad, I tell you, since I had been craving oily spring rolls from the canteen eversince I got here. I'd dip them in pools of chilli sauce and ketchup and remember the old days when I used to burn my tongue so many times when I ate them in a hurry, my eyes would water and Anam would be handing me wads of tissue paper. Seriously, in a place like Saudi, all you do is think and think and think some more. Then you think that you've thought too much and you need to think about something else. The train of thoughts never leaves you. haha. So today while I was experiencing my school in a totally new light and remembering the old times, places, people and events, such random things took place. Today the first phone call I attended was from some person called, "Syed Ahmed". My grip on the receiver tightened further when I heard this call was from Jubail. I eyeballs almost popped when I heard that he wanted transcripts for his son, Saif, who studied in the school. But then before I went into shock, he told me that his son was in school in grades 9-11. I know this sounds very dumb, but if some people read, they will understand what I'm talking about. So, I met my teachers as usual and many students who saw me sitting at the secretary's place thought I had taken up the job permanently, haha. It was interesting seeing them react, wave through the glass, and smile at me early in the morning, I seriously felt important. I also wanted to meet my middle school teachers, but most of them were having classes whenever I went. Anyways, I always have tomorrow, insh'Allah. Oh by the way, the weather today was simply AMAZING. Sunny, with a cool breeze, just the way I love it. This kind of weather makes me want to take my laptop and sit under a palm tree and write away! The school grounds looked beautiful and I wanted to just click away, but I never really got the chance, I just had too much to do. Hopefully, tomorrow, insh'Allah, then I will try putting them up in here. I also need to learn to get around this web site, it's a little confusing for newbies like me. As I was writing this blog, my friend, Najwa called me from Doha Airport! The call meant a lot to me, even though it was a short one. All these gestures just make me to want to stay in Saudi, especially at this time of the year. The onset of Saudi winters just makes things around so much more romantic, magical, and adds to the already-bubbling nostalgia. This was the time of the year when we'd all get our wintery ward robes out, click pictures at all the random places in school, make plans and of course wait for our friends from around the world to assemble in here. Today when I was delivering memos from one class to another, I really longed for the time to return when we used to go late to class on purpose, fool around, make fun of people on our way and try to borrow books from others. While I was stuffing my face with a chicken burger, sitting in the empty activity center, watching the janitors clean up at the end of the day, I thought of calling Anam. Then I wasn't too sure about using a cell phone on school premises, although I was alumni, I wanted to follow school rules. lol. Going to school makes me feel so much better. It makes everything seem lighter and brighter, as if there's more to life than blood, saliva, stool and plasma. I sometimes wonder what would I do if I hadn't opted for medicine. I think I'd have probably gone into foreign affairs, since, as I always say, I have a big mouth and small ears, which I cover with two, three layers of fabric. Such people do qualify for such jobs, I think. I want to do so much in life, I sometimes wonder whether I will be able to do all that. I just hope, insh'Allah. Before this post gets longer and longer and more pointless than it already is, I think I need to end.

Go Figure.

So today was no different than any other day ever since I came from Pakistan on Oct 15. I woke up late, as usual. I surfed the net, as usual. Refreshed my facebook home page a gazzilion times, as usual. But what was unusual was the fact that I talked to Anam Satti using voice clips! Tadaa! It may sound totally absurd and dumb, but yes, it was an experience in itself. She'd record her "hello, hello" and I would be too lazy to reply back. And when I'd record a message, she wouldn't feel like talking to me. We were pretty much jobless. Besides this new venture of talking over voice clips, I packed our luggage for cargo. It was so freaking hectic! I packed just four cartons and I felt as if I was shifting from one planet to the next, instead of from Saudi to Pakistan. I watched my mother wrap porcelain plates in thick layers of fabric. I watched my dad count the number of cartons and estimate the time they would reach us back in Islamabad. I, on the other hand, was very excited about the whole prospect of living in a new place, where I had never even imagined myself to be. Seriously, life takes you to places unknown! I dumped my whole collection of souvenirs into a carton, shoved bubble wraps around the corners to prevent them from damage and manhandling. I literally had to sit on top of the box to keep the bits and bobs from pouring outside. Then I duct taped the whole carton again and again and again, until it was fully covered in brown-colored plastic. I did this to four boxes and then I just ran out of steam. I hope they open up easily when we hurl them all the way to our new house! Insh'Allah!

Changing tracks, I'm visiting school AGAIN, tomorrow. Yes, for the second time. I wanted to post up my experience of visiting school the very first time, but I've been lazy. I have written up most of that blog entry, but I can't find the time and patience to finish it off at the moment. This time I'm going alone, so that I can spend time with my teachers and beg a few to return my project work to me. I hope it goes well! Insh'Allah. Even though I already visited school once, I still feel so excited about visiting it again. I picked out my clothes, my shoes, my matching scarf, my bag and just everything. Because I know people will be looking at me, top to bottle, to see what ISG-Dammam "produce" looks like post-graduation. So I better look "decent". This may sound pompous and self-obsessive, but hey, everyone's image conscience!

Before ending this, I want to express my heartiest feelings towards Luqman & Najwa. I seriously feel that they both deserve a slap from me, for being so lazy and ditching me completey. Kiddos, I didn't expect this from you guys. We should have met! =[

It's around 12:23 A.M and I need to go to bed early to ensure that I get up on time to go to school.

Good night.

I'm Your Wall.

I'm nothing more than a wall,
sheltering you from blows,
receiving every hit with grace,
keeping you warm and close.

When the winds get rough,
and I begin to give away,
I remind myself to be tough,
and protect you if I may.

Your verbal lashes,
cut me inside out,
but I'm still your wall,
there is not a single doubt.

Each brick of mine is baked in blood,
each crevice is chalked of love,
I won't break under distress,
be it your hatred-laden push or shove.

I can absorb your endless tears,
like the torrential rains,
and not leak a single pearl,
in spite of all the pains.

The tattered paint, the broken bricks,
symbolize my life,
it has always been you and me,
together in a strife.

I may seem weary and old,
but trust me, I'm still your wall,
you won't feel safer anywhere,
whether another's short or tall.

I see you trying to break me,
each blow focusing a brick,
and I just smile because,
I'm made of more than what you think.

The rains have fell, the storms have blown,
but none have broken me,
I still stand strong and high,
in waters deep till the knee.

I love you with a craze,
you hate me with a passion,
together we will make,
self-destruction a fashion.

You can lean on me.
and I will bear your weight,
I won't open my lips,
to ever complain.

As the times pass,
and I age with it too,
I am left to ponder,
why I am protecting you?

Is it too smoothen my decree?
Or to erase all my guilt?
I forget the very purpose,
for which I was built.

My crevices turn to cracks,
my bricks turn to grit,
my strength turns to dust,
my rigidity into silt.

Like wrinkles on an old face,
cracks fill my soul,
no matter what the times,
I know it's my last call.

In saving you from the storms,
I hope I have prevailed,
also from the pains and trenches,
or else I have truly failed.

As the first brick falls off me,
I want to take the chance,
to tell you to pick up my last brick,
and just award it with your glance.

I don't want anything more,
since I will understand,
it was always you,
and I never stood a chance.